Saturday, November 10, 2007

Everyone Has Their Story

In our lifetimes, our choices shape who we are. Yet sometimes we want to break free from those choices. This is where I am now. This is where my story begins.

I am a lawyer by trade. I don't particularly like it (although, admittedly, I do occasionally find some validation, and I'm told that I'm very good at it). I desire to break free like few can imagine. I paint a pretty picture to outsiders about what its like, how interesting and fun my work can be - things that are all true for some. But I am not sure that its true for me.

I find myself freaking out over the insignificant bumps in life, and think 'I didn't used to be like this.' I am constantly stressed, breaking out, hair falling out, gaining and losing weight according to the cyclical stress of my job. My inner creative side has been suppressed - almost like living life in muted black and whites instead of vivid color. Mind you, black and white is beautiful and classic, but without an occasional glimmer of something more vibrant, it's not satisfying.

Even though I have made choices that have made me what I am today - not just a lawyer, but also a neurotic highly driven perfectionist who is afraid to fail - I am taking steps to break away. Taking steps to put myself out there for failure. I realize that when I have a camera in my hand, when I make pictures of the world in the way I see it, I am happy. There is no place where this is more true than in wedding photography. I love experiencing happiness with others, sharing in something special, feeling like I have new best friends for the day. There is still stress (what if I screw up the lasting impression from someones dream wedding?), but its the kind that drives me to do my best, as opposed to the kind that makes me cower in my office and surf wedding photography websites instead of working, dreaming that I can achieve that sort of success one day as a photographer. But its so very difficult to break away from the giant safety net of my success in law.

I am taking steps to cut away that safety net and transition to a brighter world. There may be baby steps with the occasional giant leaps, but I'm committed to this journey. I hope everyone can come along with me.

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