Yesterday & Today

Loss is something that everyone handles differently. Some become introspective, some become obsessed or absorbed by their loss, with others it just rolls off their back.

A year ago yesterday, I (and my husband) experienced a great personal loss. I, we, had to make decisions that weren't really decisions, but rather mandates with a question mark at the end.

A year ago yesterday, I evaluated my life as it stood, my life with my husband and partner, and what I wanted to do with life. A self-examination of my life, which had been on a one-way, unquestioned track - get a job at a bigger firm, get a job at an even bigger firm, have a family (with an au pair to take care of everyone of course), make partner.

A year ago yesterday, I decided to question this path. I considered things that I liked, things I loved, my passions in life. I considered the viability of my legal career, the way my personality had begun to harden as a litigator, my becoming all-too-common brusque answers and lack of sympathy.

A year ago yesterday, I decided that this persona, the lawyer persona, wasn't who I wanted to be forever. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do, but I know that it involved seeing my husband more, being around family (even if it was his instead of mine), creating a family and being there for them too.

Yesterday, I was again introspective about my life. In the last year, I have figured out what makes me happy, and what sort of lifepath I want. A new lifepath - one where I think about what I am doing and the steps I am taking to make that path, rather than aimlessly following.

Today is when I make it happen. Today I will figure out the twists and turns needed to make it happen. I'm on the road, undoubtedly, and nothing happens overnight. But... I know what I want. And from my loss, our loss, a year ago yesterday, I have a newfound energy to make it.

And most importantly, today I cherish everything that I have. Yesterday was my day for sadness. Today I will go home to my loving supportive husband, my overexcited puppies, and the home we have created, and just enjoy their presence. And my new shootsac that my loving supportive husband bought me to help pursue my newly worked out goals.